Indiana Jones and the Legion of Stuck-up Fans. What Gives? Review!

The problem with "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is ... *takes a breath* *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *ahem* .. is that while the previous three films in the Indy series were heavily inspired by the adventure serials of the early 20th century, this film is mostly inspired by the previous three films. You may interpret that as Crystal Skull being a watered down (or inbred) experience by comparison. That is, stripped to its bare essentials (somewhat gimped as a result). So while it's got everything you need to register, "hey, new Indy flick!" some fans are certain to whine that it doesn't have X (a soul or meaningful subtext) or does Y (CG part-ay!) in place of Z (logically placed, practical effects).

In actuality, it takes the core of everything we expect from an Indiana Jones film; the charming tit(ular) character himself, complete with fedora, whip and heroic antics, a grounded supporting character to mimic the audience and to foil Indy, a bunch of loony villains often based on historical big meanies, and a wild and crazy adventure containing magical artifacts, deadly environment puzzles and real creepy crawlies. And then it hyper realizes all of those things while it tries to introduce new elements. Imagine you take that watered down Indy film and add "Kool-Aid" (choose your own flavor) to the mix, Crystal Skull goes beyond anything we had a taste for in the previous films which turns out is why many are condemning the film. I just happen to very much enjoy the new take on Indiana's world, the CG flourishes, adventure story logic and the existence of Cate Blanchett. I'm even going to go ahead and recommend the film to everyone.

My dear reader be prepared, it's pretty obvious from the start that this will be a very different Indiana Jones experience; CG prairie dogs (in yo' face!), it's set in the sci-fi crazed 1950's, CG insects, zany, illogical physics, CG monkeys, new baddies (same baddies with different hilarious foreign accent, color palette, hair styles, etc.), CG Aliens, Cate Blanchett as a baddie, and a ridiculously cool CG Flying Saucer that comes out of the ground to show off its junk and then fly off into outer space (like it doesn't need you to know it's so cool).

I hear the complaints others have and I wonder what the experience of the film would have been like had it been more logical with the physical altercations of its characters. For example, Indy survives the blast of an atomic bomb inside a lead lined refrigerator. Sounds exciting! Rolls off the tongue quite refreshingly. Now who wouldn't want to see that after reading about it?

What's the logical alternative? How about Indy dies due to some extreme form of cancer and severe burns at 15-minutes into the movie, and surprise! LaBeouf is the lead for this adventure whilst tagging Indiana's skull as his sidekick:

INT. SECRET TOMB

Dark. Dusty. Webby. Human skeleton parts abound!

LABEOUF: I'm so glad you tagged along Indy, you're my bestest dad evar! [spoiler alertz!]
INDY SKULL: *dead silence*

LaBeouf triggers a spike wall that will momentarily close in on him.

LABEOUF: What's that you don't have a clue as to how to get out of this predicament? *desperate laugh*
INDY SKULL: *dead silence*
LABEOUF: Oh, I can't stay mad at you! Hehe

LABEOUF MEETS DEMISE!

END.

I mean, how much more ridiculous does that sound? Okay, you could argue let's avoid the whole Indy in an active atom bomb testing site all together, but where's the fun in that? Indy at heart has always been about poking fun at or sharing in the fictional delight of its sources of inspiration.

Or what about Mr. LeBeouf catching up to motor vehicles via swinging on jungle vines and commanding a legion of wild CG monkeys who can interpret communist farts to determine that they're the enemy and not the random guy they met first? What's the logical alternative to that? LaBeouf in the middle of the jungle waiting for someone to pick him up, eating a nutty chocolate bar while monkeys throw shit at their pale-skin invader. Of course, he eventually discovers that he's been eating their shit all along. Ha, ha. That's right. Nothing to wet your pants about. And we're not going to argue about an insane motorized jungle chase in an Indy film. That's just flat-out rad!

Wrapping things up; I manage to enjoy Crystal Skull for what it is, like the trilogy of films before it, a mind-numbingly grand ol' time at the movies. The film generates a world of its own, sets it own rules and in my opinion sticks to them (and who cares if it doesn't). What more can you expect from a sci-fi, fantasy, adventure film? It's not the best Indy film, but that's absolutely no problem at all.

Watch it with a group of friends when you all happen to be bored out your minds, and can't figure out anything else to do with your precious together time.

At the end of this film you may now say that Indiana Jones is truly whipped! [spoiler alertz!] C'mon! Let the man be happy, he likes that kind of thing. Heh.